FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
