1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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