I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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