those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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