i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
