Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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