I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
