Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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