just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
