I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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