He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Randomize
