i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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