I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
