guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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