dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
