So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
