Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry eli5985 hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(603): View more from New Hampshire

Call meee

(781): View more from Massachusetts

Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...

Fav 3 2186 894
share tweet
(702): View more from Nevada

yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.

Fav 12 2368 800
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

Fav 20 4752 1366
share tweet
(613): View more from Ontario

Sorry, I don't speak sober.

Fav 8 4483 936
share tweet
(905): View more from Toronto

Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language

Fav 17 4845 882
share tweet
(619): View more from California

I'm passing your future prison.

Fav 15 4620 1305
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(646): View more from New York

Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.

Fav 6 4388 1068
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(317): View more from Indiana

You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.

Fav 0 371 605
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.

Fav 0 125 32
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT