Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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