Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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