Are we in a gay sports bar?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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