This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
