Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
