It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
this will be a night to untag.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
