Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize