Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Pants are for mortals
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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