is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
