Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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