Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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