You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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