I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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