his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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