; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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