I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
