I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
you guys were way drunker than both of me
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
