That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
