News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
