Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
