my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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