I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
