kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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