a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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