Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
