I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize