i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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