If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize