So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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