I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
