Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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