i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
