Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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