alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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