Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
