Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
