how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
