I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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