its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
