Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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