I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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