I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize