I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
