she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
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