Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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