I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
