I just pynch a tree in the face
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
