I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Randomize
