i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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