If i come over, it means nothing
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
