Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
