I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
