U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
