doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
