I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She told me I should be a condom model.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
