you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
