just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
