At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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