the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
