I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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