Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
